I am often amused when people ask me whether I am single or not. I remember that Sex and the City episode in which the married or in a relationship women pitied the single ones. There is some sort of a compassion attached to this etiquette, as if behind it you could find a serious problem.

I discovered some great things about the relationships, about what happens in relationships and what I would really like to share with a man. Long story short, in the relationships in our lives, we project. Let’s just see what.
In our families, there were these emotional needs which never got to be satisfied. We remained either with maternal or paternal needs unsatisfied. Later on, we try to fill the void, looking for that person who can fill them. We try to answer to their needs, to make them feel pleased and to make them love us just as we wished we were when we were young. Their affection is a necessity everyone has at birth.

Long story short, in my relationship I also projected my mother, who is criticizing. Most of my former boyfriends were criticizing, which put me in the position of having to please them. Actually, subconsciously, I chose them so that I could please my mother. My father was also involved, given that he was my very first masculine model in life. Thereof, I chose someone who could conquer, who could dominate, criticize, dreams and has fun, talks a lot and lives intensely, someone who experiments, is mature, walks slowly and is quite instable.

Ok, now I know what’s happening. What to do next? Well, I try to answer to my needs, but without the help of a man. I help myself either through analysis, reading, psychotherapy and a lot of patience, but without resorting to the help of a man. I wish to attain the performance of being involved in a relationship just because I really do see the man. I want to choose someone not because I need him, but because I like him and I want to love him not only when he is acting in a particular manner, or when he is easy to love.

Did you know that anyone could love someone easy to love? The trick is to love him when he is hard to love. When he is not behaving the way we wished he did, when he does not have the same features we thought he did. When he is weak, fat, sad angry, frustrated or hurt.
Thereof, I am single and happy! I do not need another man to satisfy my needs, and until I manage to satisfy my needs myself, I will remain this way! I however look forward to loving again. Loving is cool, but making it authentically is even cooler. I really do think I should write soon about the differences between happiness and filling the voids.
You? Are you ready for a relationship?

Location: Boutique du Pain
Photo Credits: Daniel Ene